To adapt oneself is to enter into relationships with others, without dominating or letting oneself be dominated. It is a complex process, easier to describe than to define.
Progress in love presupposes, first, not being attached to oneself. Then it means going out of one’s circle and opening oneself to the world of the neighbor. In a word, it is a process of integration and adjustment in the midst of the persons with whom one lives.
The human being tends to adapt all things to self instead of adapting self to everything. If we do not make a strict critique of ourselves, or if we do not allow others criticize us constructively, we will almost certainly come to the abyss of death, still carrying the burden of all the inherited defects of our personality that will have in-creased and multiplied throughout our lives.
If our surroundings do not exercise pressure on us, neither will the novitiate, retreats or courses change us. We even use subtle rationalizations to reduce God himself to our size and aspirations. We use an excellent set of defense mechanisms to recreate everything to our measure.
There are two institutions which are true schools of transformation: marriage and fraternal communion. And they are so because, by their own human structure, both institutions force their members to enter into an interrelationship in depth. And by being in a relationship, each member comes face to face with each trait of his own personality. This forces the members to overcome their differences without encroaching upon others and without letting themselves be enslaved.
To adapt ourselves means to let ourselves be questioned by our brothers. When the sharp angles of our personality are brought out in the light of a revision of life, of brotherly admonition, or simply in our daily life together, we ought to begin the slow process of rounding them off and of controlling our compulsions.
If our branches strike each other and risk catching on fire, how many inches will you have to cut off? And how many will I? Am I the one exclusively responsible for these clashes? If we are at a distance of fifty yards, how many yards do you and I still have to move toward one another to have an encounter?
We must become aware of the traits we have that might hurt others. In a word, adapting oneself is a slow and progressive growth towards an integrated oherence of feelings, thoughts, words and actions.
Extracted from the book ´Come with me´ by fr. Ignacio Larrañaga
